“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

Well, dear readers, here we are.

This blank page is a little intimidating, not gonna lie.

Take a deep breath…ok, there you go…

Hi, my name is Desiree’, and it has been 3 years, 3 months, and 14 days since my last real blog post.

I would like to announce that future posts will probably lean more towards the “Random Braindrops” and less towards the “Freelance Astronomer” end of the spectrum (so I should probably change my tagline), because I want to write and honestly I’m a bit out of touch with the Astronomer side of myself at the moment.  We’ll see how this goes.

So in trying to figure out what to write about tonight, I was digging through some of my old Evernote notes which I tagged with “musings” because I used to just sit and think a lot about what makes me be me, and how to make myself better.

The first thing I noticed when I began reading is that I really don’t do this kind of pondering anymore.

deep-thought
Deep Thought: The name of the supercomputer in Douglas Adams’ wonderful book Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. (Image courtesy of youtube.com)

The next thing I noticed was nostalgia – no, a longing – for those great times of deep thought.  I meandered through my own mind’s little garden of pretty things:  my religious views (or lack thereof), quantum mechanics and how it manifests itself on the macroscopic world (seriously, that shit is really crazy), the size and scale of the Universe, evolution on every scale I could imagine, and on and on…and on.

The difference between that and present day?  Now, nearly all of my thinking/pondering time is spent exclusively on worrying about my relationships.  Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all nebulae and primates and wavefunctions back in the day.  I spent some time on worrying then, too: about my boyfriend (or lack thereof), my past romantic relationships, my familial relationships, my future career; now I worry about the past, present, and future state of my relationships with my family, my fiance, my coworkers…It’s incredibly unhealthy!  I should add, though, that I have happily gotten past many of those dark thoughts about loves lost, and my friends have never been a major source of worry.  Nevertheless, I dearly miss those deep introspections about the nature of the Universe or the process of evolution, and the freedom and beauty I felt with muses such as these.

“How did this happen??” and “How can I fix this??” are the two questions at the front of my mind.  I suppose the first can probably be answered with, “I entered the Real World.”

And that, dear readers, ignites a fire of indignation that I caved to The Man, that my creativity was sucked away just like so many other grown-ups.

That makes me want to go ponder the answer to question 2:  “How can I fix this??”

And I need to do it stat.

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3 thoughts on ““No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

  1. First of all, I’m so happy to see that you are writing again. It can be very cathartic; plus, I just enjoy reading your writings.

    Second, I’m trying to sort out how I feel about your statements that you used to worry about your familial relationships and that you still worry about your family relationships. It concerns me because you shouldn’t have to worry about your familial relationships. Your family should be a source of solace, not concern. I will have to think about what part I play in causing this concern because that needs to stop.

    Third and last, it also concerns me that you feel that becoming a “grown up” means that you have “caved to The Man” and had your creativity has been sucked away. Being a grown up does not mean that you have to lose your creativity. I’m sure the many creative crown ups would take exception to that statement. You have simply moved in a different direction than you originally planned and now you find that your life is a bit lacking because of it. You see the problem and, as you said, you’ll find a way to fix it. You’re writing again and that’s a step in the right direction. Good job!

    1. Regarding the grown-up thing, I did not mean that all grown-ups lose their creativity – for sure, there are creative grown-ups! I meant that the Real World is not naturally conducive to creativity. To hold on to one’s creativity, one has to fight for it, and I didn’t but I want to start fighting now.

      As for family stuff, we can talk about that offline 😉

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